Tuesday: Today I’m grateful for feeling…
Difficulty and struggle when it comes to continuing this practice. I just keep prioritizing other things over it. I’m trying not to panic, to give myself grace since I had a week off and it takes a while to get back into the swing of things. It makes me very sad to think of dropping it, and I made a whole website just for this. I need to manage my time better I think, which is not news.
Confused after my Project Gratitude partner messaged. She hasn’t spoken to me in a couple months and wants to reconnect but not necessarily with our practice. Our friendship is now being tested because I don’t know if I have room to keep up this practice (which I’m barely doing) AND add the time that a friendship takes. How did I do it before? I had less meetings, that’s how. I’m excited that she’s back but am not sure how to move forward, how to balance what I want to do with what I have time to do.
Successful and appreciated after my CODA business meeting today. All the work I’ve done over the past month with security training for this community has come together and we voted to implement everything today. Now the meeting is safer and there’s a plan in place so it remains safe going forward. I feel like I was part of something important, something that matters. At the end of it, everyone spoke up as to their appreciation of my efforts. I didn’t expect it at all, I thought I had been doing at least as much as everyone else but apparently it was more. I told them I loved helping but that I’m going to step back for a while now that the group is safe and they were completely understanding and supportive. I feel seen, useful, and like I’ve done a good job. Now to find a way that pays me to be this go-giving lol.
Nervous for couple’s therapy today. I have no idea what it will look like, how to start talking, what to talk about. I feel out of control. In all of my other therapies, I was the one in charge and had control over what came up or how deep we went. I’m mentally struggling with the idea that it isn’t all my choice now and with the reality that relationships just look like that. I think that’s how it should always feel in a relationship with equal power. Being extra gentle with myself today, we’re taking on some big stuff.
Horrified and distressed both during and after the first (and only) Harris/Trump debate. Even understanding what happened, even understanding how we got here, it is completely baffling. How am I sitting here watching an inarticulate felon lie to the world in an attempt to become president of one of the most influential global powers? And how do I know in my heart that this real estate entrepreneur/tv celebrity has a real chance of winning against a poised, brilliant, diplomatic opponent with a background in law? I was so stressed out that I had to keep leaving the room. I even took out all 9 of my squishmallows from their net to barricade myself on the couch. I am so excited to vote.