Today I’m grateful that…

This guy at work that I was once friends with stopped talking to me out of the blue and it bothers me. Normally I’d ask what’s going on but can’t seem to get myself to because it doesn’t really matter. I didn’t realize how deep my desire to be liked ran until I want to please someone I don’t care about.

I dropped the ball in the last hour yesterday, binge-wise. It’s such a waste of so much effort eating well the rest of the day. None of my summer pants fit so I’m looking at having to buy new ones of those too 😢, or wear workout shorts all summer. I guess that would work actually. 

I went to an SIA meeting today and it was great. However, I didn’t manage my time well so I didn’t get to do the step work I had wanted to get to. Constantly feeling behind even though there’s no reference to be behind? 

For CSA reasons, I need to call my mom to ask her questions about my behavior growing up. But I really don’t want to deal with her and her secondhand trauma, or have to navigate that conversation. I’m tired and frustrated just thinking about it. 

I feel like I’ll never catch up on sleep, and it’s more important than usual to get right now. But I’ve been struggling with my regular healthy habits, and going to bed on time is one of them. So sometimes it’s Cubu but plenty of other times it’s me.