Saturday: Today I’m grateful for feeling…

Sad, disappointed, and frustrated that I killed my microgreens. I keep killing my plants with love. They just always seem like they need more water than they do! For the microgreens, it said to spritz them but that didn’t seem like enough so I gave them some extra water during their time in the dark pantry. When I came back a couple days later: all moldy. I’ve backed off on overwatering my plumeria but it is getting spongier in the stem every week. It’s rotting from the inside out. Will I ever get the hang of this? I feel like I’m doing the right thing by them every time and every time I’m not. How do people keep fucking plants alive?? I have three more microgreen packs; hopefully those survive my care. 

Frustrated and angry because the post office closed early today?? I understand they’re understaffed so I’m not angry at anyone in particular. I had specifically scheduled to pick up your package today because their hours are hard to make during the week. I guess I’ll go Monday? 

Pained and sad as my fingernails slowly disappear. The skin around every nail is back to burning and bloody. I have 5 fingernails hanging on for dear life. I guess my anxiety is getting out of control – this is usually my indicator for that. I wonder if I’ll ever stop struggling with this. 

Feelin’ good…

• I created a  simple, verbal word game for Cubu and I last night and it was a lot of fun. We stayed up giggling, cuddling, and just enjoying each other’s minds. It’s weird how fast the sense of comfort creeped up on me. I used to be in awe of his mind, everything he came up with felt foreign and brilliant. We’ve been together long enough that his responses aren’t surprises anymore, they feel like a warm hug. They’re still something only he could create but I have such a sense of who he is that they fit into something rather than shine on their own. I don’t know how to describe it but I love it. 
• We began prepping and puttying master bathroom. Hopefully we’ll be painting it by tomorrow so we can move back into our attached bedroom. I feel accomplished, like we pushed through the impulse to lounge and worked on something. I’m grateful to have a home to paint.
• I took advantage of the school supply season and got some folders for SIA and CODA. I love organizing minutia so it felt great to have that ability now. I’m grateful to have the means to go buy something on a whim.