Today I’m grateful for feeling…

Behind on my blog and not finding/making time to catch up. It feels like my time has no rest in it, it’s either SIA/CODA work, library work, sports, or relationship work. I had a balance before but things shifted and I’m all unsettled again. I appreciate that life changes so there’s always something new and enriching happening. However it does mean I have to keep finding new ways to fit in rest and I’m just not very good at that yet. So I feel tired, anxious at being behind on my blog, and anxious thinking of how to create time in a schedule that feels like it fills itself.

Sad about my mini roses, they did not recover. I guess I let them get blasted by the Texas sun in my ignorance and they are low light plants. Blackness is slowly marching up their stems, of which less than half remain. Do I buy more and not put them in the sun? Do I give up on the plant house? I really thought I was doing the right thing by putting them in the window, I’m so disappointed  with myself. Plant people make it look so easy. Or maybe they roll with the punches better.

Feelin’ good…

• Had a misunderstanding with Cubu that made our morning tense.  On the surface it was a tension between Cubu and I about waffles but in reality it was about fulfilling promises to myself to make up for never being provided something in childhood. I couldn’t figure out what my issue was until I had made everything tense. Once I put it together everything was better. I apologized to Cubu,  made my inner children some waffles, fulfilled my promise, and we had a cuddly morning after that. I’m grateful that, even if it takes me a bit to figure out what I’m feeling, I can always separate myself and do this practice to figure it out. It feels like I now have a safe space to flesh out my emotions in real time. 
• making the waffles and fulfilling that promise to me inner children felt so fucking good. They all felt so cared for. I put aside the calories, allowed the butter, and made them in all the shapes of waffle makers we have. They were delighted. In my mental treehouse that they live in, I’ve always felt they wanted waffles every morning for months. It was Edward who suggested I make that a reality for them, it felt so silly that I hadn’t considered it before. I’m grateful to have friends that understand me enough to suggest truly helpful things. 
• in love with our Saturday Morning Cartoons + coffee ritual. It makes every weekend morning a celebration, honors the nostalgia and play of being children, and starts the day off right. I’m grateful to have a partner just as into it as I am so we can share this together. 
• week by week my Spanish is improving. I feel I’ll be ready for conversations soon. As it is, I string sentences in my head together and translate my life in the most basic way. I’m so excited to be bilingual, to have another language to live through and another group of people to speak with.
• our board game friends came over and hung out/played most of the day. We got to play Drop Drive, Mahjong, and Foundations of Rome. They also brought some specialty loose leaf oolong and we got pho so it was a great time. I love these boys and always enjoy myself when they’re over. I’m grateful Cubu has some friends that have become shared that I enjoy this much. I’ve had plenty of partners where this wasn’t the case.