Tuesday: Today I’m grateful for feeling…

Overwhelmed at work, perpetually behind. My coworker that I cover for is out and I usually love this time of year. But I guess I had extra hours to give to the library that I just don’t anymore. Between the meetings and the homework, I really don’t have extra time to give to that job. So now I’m both not completing my job duties AND falling behind in hers. I don’t know what to do. I could go in today after work but I really want some down time with no responsibilities, it feels like I haven’t had that in weeks. I just feel like I’m a bad worker, even though I’m the only one thinking that. 

Tired. How have I lived 27 years yet still don’t have my sleep schedule down pat? I know how, it is entirely codependency. It’s fucking me up. I slept so well and consistently when I was single and felt in control of my bedtime. That may be one of the things I look forward to most once I get over the masturbation fear: consistent fucking sleep. 

Feelin’ good…

• I forced my tired self to attend my CODA meeting but didn’t let myself rush. I can afford to be 12 minutes late today, the world will not end.  I listened to my inner voice though the non-rushing as well as through the meeting and it was great. I love this group of people, I’m so grateful for their bravery every week. 
• Sheroes group (new name for the heroes group) met for the first time in months today. Everyone was present and it felt good to be with them all. At the end when I had to leave, one of them thanked me for “listening so well.” I wasn’t feeling like I was doing a great job today so it felt very affirming. And felt affirming for the future career I have been flirting with. I’m grateful to have met and have the support of wonderful, compassionate individuals. 
• Feeling proud as I’ve lost 8 pounds since mid June with absolutely no dieting! This has all just been since the binge eating mysteriously stopped. Today I got poke and SAVED THE OTHER HALF FOR LATER. AGAIN!!!! I don’t even recognize myself, I don’t “save things for later”. The weight loss makes me happy because I just don’t need the extra weight. But the best part is that I seem to just be eating like a normal person! I’m not even trying to lose weight, yet it’s happening! I’m grateful that intuitive eating finally kicked in.